Sunday, December 27, 2009

Flexting: Flirting via texting

While sitting at the bar waiting to get into the next show of a national comedy club EVERYONE coming out of the previous show is stopping to give this comedian whom I am sitting next to hugs and high fives. I overhear him telling his friend that the next time the said friend is in the Big City, give him a call and he'll get him some tickets to his show. I strike up a conversation with the comedian and shamelessly ask for tickets when i am in the BIG CITY ...which he politely obliges.

This guy is cute, funny and gainfully employed (granted, he is about 10 years my junior, buy hey). That's a good start.
We exchange a few emails and he gives me his cell # to call him when I arrive in the Big City. Here is our exchange:

Me: Hi, I'm in town and looking forward to seeing you perform this weekend.
Him: No show this weekend since I got offered more money to go perform in another Big city.
Me: No worries. Go for the money. We'll catch up next time
Him: 2bad for me thou wanted to see u sexy =)
Me: Do you mean that you'll miss seeing my stunning blue eyes
Him: I mean the whole package. Wanted to talk longer with you but u had the show and I was headed out. Damn ur fine
me: You don't even know how smart I am either
Him: What do you do?
Me: I do life best. Is it only because I am attractive?
Him: Naw it's because ur attractive and smart. its the combo lol and trust i would have been all over u if I saw u this weekend
Me: ;-)
Him: I will send you a DVD of my stand up
Me: ;-)
Him: 4sho and have fun in the Big City I wil hit u when I get back and get ur mailing address

That was two weeks ago. I haven't reached out to him. He lists on his Myspace page that he is "in a relationship". Wonder if flexting" impacts that relationship. What do you think? Is it ok to flirt via texting if you are in a relationship? Would you find it acceptable if you thought that you were in an exclusive, committed relationship?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Strike two: bang, bang

All of my stories are true. And yes, they are better than fiction.
Remember the “eat your own Christmas present” ass? Well, there were two other strikes before he got to the “And you are out!” boot. Strike two occurred a few weeks before strike three.

Although he lived in an older neighborhood that was experiencing more and crime, such as burglaries, the inside of his home was well kept. Now this early 30s never-been-married no kids professional was fairly anal retentive. Because his home was just for his self-contained “bachelor” lifestyle, he kept his house very neat and organized. He actually ate his meals over the kitchen counter so that he wouldn’t have to wash any dishes. No kidding, honest to God. I think another reason that he lived in that house was because he was frugal (AKA a cheap). He justified it because he said it was a starter home investment that was almost paid off.

One evening I was at his house fairly late. When all of a sudden we heard a series of gunshots. We looked at each other. Then he left the room. He left me alone in the back room. Although I had NEVER heard gunshots in person before, I unconsciously started counting the number of shots. I guess in the back of my mind I thought that if cops asked how many shots I heard I could report on it. Or maybe I wanted to know how many shots might be left in case the shooter got closer. Like an idiot, when the shots finished I went to the front of the house. That was the direction where I had heard the shots. I called out to the “ass”. He did not answer. Very frightened, I called out several more times. Still he did not answer. Had he been shot? After a few minutes he responded and walked into the living room where I was.
I asked him where he had been, he said he went OUTSIDE to check “things” out. He left me ALONE in that house. What if the shooter was looking for an open door to find refuge in some home? And decided to take a lone woman hostage. When I told him how upset I was, particularly that I had experienced this at all AND that he had left me alone, he minimized the incident, his behavior, his careless decision, and raised his voice saying that I was alright. Later I found out that it was a drive by shooting catty corner across the street. The people moved out. Did I go back? Not for a couple of weeks. And only because I could park in his garage on the back side of the home.

Although we had been dating for about five months at that point, needless to say, the mantra, “I deserve better,” was getting stronger every day. His insensitive and uncaring response to how I felt about this incident was strike two.
Research for thought: “The Relationship You Are Searching For” (Nov 2009)

If you want to read more frequent HRD posts

I will increase the frequency of my posts as soon as I get at least 10 followers. Tell your friends and their friends to join in.

Thank you.

HRD (Hopeless Romantic Diva)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Strike three and you're out

Like most of you, I have my list of dealbreakers, for all types of relationships. Lying and being unreliable are deal breakers across the board. Do what you say you are going to do. And if you don't apologize and mean it.

I usually give a guy three strikes before he is out. I've learned that's not only my tolerance level, but I try and give people the chance to consistently show me who they are.

The third strike for this one guy I dated for six months turned out to a no-brainer. One of my parents had just gotten out of a two-week hospital stay with a life threatening condition. Within days my other parent was diagnosed with life-threatening cancer and was literally rushed to emergency surgery within 12 hours. On top of being 1200 miles away from my family, it was a few days before Christmas and my young children were very worried about their grandparents. The "guy" and I met for lunch. The first 20 minutes he talked about how annoying some of the personalities were at work. Then I interrupted and said: My mom is in intensive care still (day three), thanks for asking.

He started to argue. I started to cry over my left over lunch. He didn't comfort me but continued to justify his behavior. When the bill came he said: Let's go dutch. He could tell by thelook on my face that I was mortified.
He said, and this is one of the all time great comments: I was planning to take you out to a nice dinner for your Christmas present.
I responded: You are going to eat half of my Christmas present? Maybe I should take a photo of me standing next to the left overs and tell all my friends: look what I got for Christmas!

Needless to say I was about to vomit so I paid, got up and said: Do not call me.
He called my name and said: Merry Christmas.

The best part is that on January 20th, a little less than a month later, a huge box was on my doorstep. It contained a letter about how he wished me well, and all the presents from his family (who loved me), and some other gifts. My friend said: Now wait a minute, is that from last year's Christmas or this next year's Christmas.

The moral of the story is: too little too late.

A good book about deal breakers is: 'Deal Breakers'
Psychoanalyst Bethany Marshall Explains How to Set Boundaries in Relationships

Go to this website to look at an excerpt from her book:

Get back out there and try these out!

Hopeless Romantic

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Before Hopeless Romantic

If you haven't already seen a blog that I started previously, look at:

to read more about my adventures.

Stay romantic

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Making sense of cold feet

If you haven't already, read this October 2009 news article about how fairy tale wedding plans ended up as a nightmare. It started out with the successful NY business man who was once divorced and the father of three (the eldest is 19 yrs old), proposed to his more than a decade younger love with a 6-carat diamond engagement ring. He called her a few hours before their $150,000 wedding and said he couldn't do it. And left her with 150 guests, some who had flown half way around the world, and the remaining $12,000 bill. (Todd English's cancelled wedding:

Although this has not happened to me, after reading the article, do you think that English is a cad or did he do the right thing?

Do you think he cares? Have either you or someone you know been involved in a serious relationship when the partner vanishes without an explanation? What was learned by this experience?

Do you agree with this 2009 "Cancelling a wedding etiquette" online article?

Relate to more about the Hopeless Romantic's dating adventures and make sense of man-woman relationships from research provided:

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Hopeless Romantic Diva and married men

First and foremost, I do not date married men. Not only because by doing so I'd break one of the 10 commandments, but also because it is illegal AND it destroys peoples lives. I have friends who have and who are dating married me. Their choice. Not mine.

As an over-thirty something, when I am out with friend I am regularly approached by married men who want to buy me a drink, engage in conversation. If I do let them buy me a drink, I ask them to tell me how they met their wives, how many children they have...the whole conversation is going to center on his relationship with his wife whom I think that he should be spending his time and money on.

Last night I was out with some very young friends (men and women who are in their early 20s....long story...that's another story). A group of about six married men huddled near us and when given the opportunity asked our male host about me. He said: "What's her story?" I wanted to say: "Who cares what my story is. You are not going to be a chapter or even an entry"

While it's flattering to be paid attention to, spending any time with married men (other than my sisters' or friends' husbands) is not what I want. I have enough friends, I don't need to meet married men who want to be my friend.

Have you ever been approached by married men/women? If so, how do you respond? What do you think about dating a married man/woman? What do you think about any of your friends dating married people?