Monday, October 19, 2009

Strike three and you're out

Like most of you, I have my list of dealbreakers, for all types of relationships. Lying and being unreliable are deal breakers across the board. Do what you say you are going to do. And if you don't apologize and mean it.

I usually give a guy three strikes before he is out. I've learned that's not only my tolerance level, but I try and give people the chance to consistently show me who they are.

The third strike for this one guy I dated for six months turned out to a no-brainer. One of my parents had just gotten out of a two-week hospital stay with a life threatening condition. Within days my other parent was diagnosed with life-threatening cancer and was literally rushed to emergency surgery within 12 hours. On top of being 1200 miles away from my family, it was a few days before Christmas and my young children were very worried about their grandparents. The "guy" and I met for lunch. The first 20 minutes he talked about how annoying some of the personalities were at work. Then I interrupted and said: My mom is in intensive care still (day three), thanks for asking.

He started to argue. I started to cry over my left over lunch. He didn't comfort me but continued to justify his behavior. When the bill came he said: Let's go dutch. He could tell by thelook on my face that I was mortified.
He said, and this is one of the all time great comments: I was planning to take you out to a nice dinner for your Christmas present.
I responded: You are going to eat half of my Christmas present? Maybe I should take a photo of me standing next to the left overs and tell all my friends: look what I got for Christmas!

Needless to say I was about to vomit so I paid, got up and said: Do not call me.
He called my name and said: Merry Christmas.

The best part is that on January 20th, a little less than a month later, a huge box was on my doorstep. It contained a letter about how he wished me well, and all the presents from his family (who loved me), and some other gifts. My friend said: Now wait a minute, is that from last year's Christmas or this next year's Christmas.

The moral of the story is: too little too late.

A good book about deal breakers is: 'Deal Breakers'
Psychoanalyst Bethany Marshall Explains How to Set Boundaries in Relationships

Go to this website to look at an excerpt from her book:

Get back out there and try these out!

Hopeless Romantic

1 comment:

  1. I love this story. Your writing is incredible! Keep it coming!!