Monday, October 19, 2009

Strike three and you're out

Like most of you, I have my list of dealbreakers, for all types of relationships. Lying and being unreliable are deal breakers across the board. Do what you say you are going to do. And if you don't apologize and mean it.

I usually give a guy three strikes before he is out. I've learned that's not only my tolerance level, but I try and give people the chance to consistently show me who they are.

The third strike for this one guy I dated for six months turned out to a no-brainer. One of my parents had just gotten out of a two-week hospital stay with a life threatening condition. Within days my other parent was diagnosed with life-threatening cancer and was literally rushed to emergency surgery within 12 hours. On top of being 1200 miles away from my family, it was a few days before Christmas and my young children were very worried about their grandparents. The "guy" and I met for lunch. The first 20 minutes he talked about how annoying some of the personalities were at work. Then I interrupted and said: My mom is in intensive care still (day three), thanks for asking.

He started to argue. I started to cry over my left over lunch. He didn't comfort me but continued to justify his behavior. When the bill came he said: Let's go dutch. He could tell by thelook on my face that I was mortified.
He said, and this is one of the all time great comments: I was planning to take you out to a nice dinner for your Christmas present.
I responded: You are going to eat half of my Christmas present? Maybe I should take a photo of me standing next to the left overs and tell all my friends: look what I got for Christmas!

Needless to say I was about to vomit so I paid, got up and said: Do not call me.
He called my name and said: Merry Christmas.

The best part is that on January 20th, a little less than a month later, a huge box was on my doorstep. It contained a letter about how he wished me well, and all the presents from his family (who loved me), and some other gifts. My friend said: Now wait a minute, is that from last year's Christmas or this next year's Christmas.

The moral of the story is: too little too late.

A good book about deal breakers is: 'Deal Breakers'
Psychoanalyst Bethany Marshall Explains How to Set Boundaries in Relationships

Go to this website to look at an excerpt from her book:

Get back out there and try these out!

Hopeless Romantic

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Before Hopeless Romantic

If you haven't already seen a blog that I started previously, look at:

to read more about my adventures.

Stay romantic

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Making sense of cold feet

If you haven't already, read this October 2009 news article about how fairy tale wedding plans ended up as a nightmare. It started out with the successful NY business man who was once divorced and the father of three (the eldest is 19 yrs old), proposed to his more than a decade younger love with a 6-carat diamond engagement ring. He called her a few hours before their $150,000 wedding and said he couldn't do it. And left her with 150 guests, some who had flown half way around the world, and the remaining $12,000 bill. (Todd English's cancelled wedding:

Although this has not happened to me, after reading the article, do you think that English is a cad or did he do the right thing?

Do you think he cares? Have either you or someone you know been involved in a serious relationship when the partner vanishes without an explanation? What was learned by this experience?

Do you agree with this 2009 "Cancelling a wedding etiquette" online article?

Relate to more about the Hopeless Romantic's dating adventures and make sense of man-woman relationships from research provided:

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Hopeless Romantic Diva and married men

First and foremost, I do not date married men. Not only because by doing so I'd break one of the 10 commandments, but also because it is illegal AND it destroys peoples lives. I have friends who have and who are dating married me. Their choice. Not mine.

As an over-thirty something, when I am out with friend I am regularly approached by married men who want to buy me a drink, engage in conversation. If I do let them buy me a drink, I ask them to tell me how they met their wives, how many children they have...the whole conversation is going to center on his relationship with his wife whom I think that he should be spending his time and money on.

Last night I was out with some very young friends (men and women who are in their early 20s....long story...that's another story). A group of about six married men huddled near us and when given the opportunity asked our male host about me. He said: "What's her story?" I wanted to say: "Who cares what my story is. You are not going to be a chapter or even an entry"

While it's flattering to be paid attention to, spending any time with married men (other than my sisters' or friends' husbands) is not what I want. I have enough friends, I don't need to meet married men who want to be my friend.

Have you ever been approached by married men/women? If so, how do you respond? What do you think about dating a married man/woman? What do you think about any of your friends dating married people?